Life is Beautiful

I used to journal (blog) prolifically, and then along the way, I grew sad and I quit writing. It seemed too hard to write about "the happy stuff" when it didn't seem like there was very much "happy" to write--it felt a lie to write about life as if it were really better than it was. I will write about that period in my life some day--I've been feeling the "call" to write about it--for now, I'm not ready to share those things yet. But I want to write again. I've grown and changed over the years. I realize that everything I share doesn't have to be picture perfect. It just has to be true and from the heart.

Right now, my life is vastly different than it was five years ago. It is happy, though not always perfect. I am the mother of a blended family. Life is not always easy and there are no step-by-step instructions for the unique challenges (and joys!) that our family faces. I fill the role of mother for one who is no longer here, and the responsibility of such a calling weighs heavily on my shoulders--the feelings of doubt and inadequacy are fears I am learning to battle and conquer. I am also the mother to two beautiful girls that I bore into this world and who I loved even before they were born. I am learning how to be a mother as my children learn to be little people. I have a husband whom I love dearly. When I met him, it felt like meeting a long lost friend. Yet, I know that there was one who came before me, and finding the balance between cherishing the past and embracing the future is one we are learning to navigate daily. I battle my own insecurities of marrying after-the-fact of a great love story while trying to find my own place in the life we call "ours," hoping that there is room for one more great love story. Sometimes I pause and look at my family and I am filled with such an overwhelming feeling of love and peace, and I know that Heavenly Father had a hand in bringing all of our lives together. This is our story. Though it isn't perfect, it is ours, and it is good.