Little Victories

This experience with Jessalyn has been hard for our little family. It's hard leaving my other "baby" (who now looks like such a big girl!) behind with my family, even though I know she's in great hands. It's been hard feeling like our family is a little fractured right now--I'm stuck here and Kara's apart from me. It's also hard being so worried about the newest little family member, wondering if there was something I could have done to have made this turn out differently, and wishing she was home so we could all settle in and be a family together. She's probably going to be in the NICU for a little while, so I'm learning to celebrate the little victories and little things that make me happy.

Tonight, we had the chance to spend about 15 minutes with Jessalyn. That was really good. I was a little sad when I had to tell Kara goodbye tonight, but I know she went home and had a fun night with her nana.

Later, I spent a good hour down with Jessalyn while they weighed her and changed her sheets and started her feeding tube. This gave me about an hour of snuggle and love time with her, and it was great for both of us. She had her eyes open for 30 minutes or so, and we just spent our time quietly looking at each other. Then she got cozy and drifted off to sleep, and I got to love on her just a few more minutes before she had to go back under the phototherapy lights.

The time spent with my two girls was precious to me tonight, and it was just what I needed this evening. So maybe it was a big victory, and not a little victory after all.