Life is Beautiful

I used to journal (blog) prolifically, and then along the way, I grew sad and I quit writing. It seemed too hard to write about "the happy stuff" when it didn't seem like there was very much "happy" to write--it felt a lie to write about life as if it were really better than it was. I will write about that period in my life some day--I've been feeling the "call" to write about it--for now, I'm not ready to share those things yet. But I want to write again. I've grown and changed over the years. I realize that everything I share doesn't have to be picture perfect. It just has to be true and from the heart.

Right now, my life is vastly different than it was five years ago. It is happy, though not always perfect. I am the mother of a blended family. Life is not always easy and there are no step-by-step instructions for the unique challenges (and joys!) that our family faces. I fill the role of mother for one who is no longer here, and the responsibility of such a calling weighs heavily on my shoulders--the feelings of doubt and inadequacy are fears I am learning to battle and conquer. I am also the mother to two beautiful girls that I bore into this world and who I loved even before they were born. I am learning how to be a mother as my children learn to be little people. I have a husband whom I love dearly. When I met him, it felt like meeting a long lost friend. Yet, I know that there was one who came before me, and finding the balance between cherishing the past and embracing the future is one we are learning to navigate daily. I battle my own insecurities of marrying after-the-fact of a great love story while trying to find my own place in the life we call "ours," hoping that there is room for one more great love story. Sometimes I pause and look at my family and I am filled with such an overwhelming feeling of love and peace, and I know that Heavenly Father had a hand in bringing all of our lives together. This is our story. Though it isn't perfect, it is ours, and it is good.

Flowers

Earlier in the spring, Kara and I planted some wild flowers. I had started some seeds for our vegetable garden back in February, and from then on, Kara had been continuously talking about "beautiful flowers." Well, I decided I had better plant some flowers for her! We bought some seeds of native Colorado wildflowers and planted them in a few places around the front and back yard.

They have recently been blooming, and we've been enjoying the "beautiful flowers" every time we go outside (which is often). Every time we leave to get in the car, Kara excitedly runs over to the tree and points out any flowers that are still in bloom, or almost in bloom. I'm so glad we get to share this little treasure together every day.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

While getting in the shower, Kara tells me (and pats my belly), "mom, you have the rolliest tummy." Well, kids call 'em like they see 'em! I actually weigh less now than I did before I was pregnant with Kara, but maybe I need to do a few sit-ups...

Jessalyn

I have been really neglecting to write about my youngest. Bad mommy!

She is such a cutie. She loves her thumb, and she loves to snuggle under blankets when she goes to sleep.

 She recently started doing the "ba ba ba" sound, and says "mmmmmm," usually when she wants "more" or "mom." She loves when we sing nursery songs, and usually starts yelling "ahhhh" or saying "wuh wuh wuh" really loud when we sing.

She also does a really funny inchworm crawl to get around. She throws both her arms forward and uses them to pull the rest of her body forward. There are several things she does that compensate for her poor coordination and physical strength, so it's really cute/neat to see her figure things out or find ways to get what she wants to get. She really only rolls over one way, so her main mode of transportation is her hilarious inch-worm crawl.

She loves being thrown, bounced hard, swung around, loud music, spicy food--pretty much anything highly stimulating, she loves.

She is excellent at fine motor skills, which means she is adept at finding the TINIEST things everywhere she goes and putting them in her mouth.

Her sister can make her laugh like nobody else. She is also much more likely to copy sounds that Kara makes than she is to copy anyone else. One of their favorite games is rough housing--Kara sits on Jessalyn like a pony. I'm not sure why that thrills her so much, but they will laugh and giggle together for a long time when they play that game. After Kara, my dad and brother are her two favorite people. They make her laugh and smile like nothing else.

She loves, loves, loves kisses. And my very favorite thing is that often when I pick her up, she scrunches her little body up and kind of hugs me. It's so sweet!

Kara

This is all the way back from Halloween, but isn't she just beautiful?

She has said some funny things lately. Among them are:

"Mom, you do this all the time: clean der house, do der sewing, vacuum, help Jessalyn go to night-night, fix me bweakfast, fix me lunch, make snacks, drive der car and do der eggs, and go to Nana's house!" She makes me sound like a very boring person...

She also told me, "mom, you have the rolliest tummy." Haha!

She loves to help cook or bake, and she really loves playing outside. She has quite the imagination. She is always pretending to be different things. The other day, she told me, "mom, I'm being a little girl human Pinkie Pie rancher princess pony." She also loves to pretend to be a dog!

She has also told me a few times, "mom, when I be a mommy, I'm going to be Rachel!" I usually explain that she's always going to be Kara, but it makes me feel special that she wants to be me when she "be's a mommy."

Love

I love this baby! She can be a bit of a fuss monster, but she's just so dang cute, so that really makes up for it.

Wall Hanging

I did this wall hanging for my mom last week. I've always loved quilting, but I've really, really grown to love doing appliqué quilts! It's crazy, because for the longest time, I resisted ever doing them. Now I wish I had tried it sooner!